This entry is inspired by a talk given by Psychologist Sherry Turkle.
Stop. Reread. Reconsider. Edit. Reread again. Google search. Edit. Reread. Publish/Send.
In this blog, we’ve discussed numerous topics and my slight judgement of others. Today, I snitch on myself, though. The above is the flow of nearly 87% of my “conversations.” I’d always considered myself quite the communicator. Amongst my circle of friends, my phone serves as a podium and pulpit. Hardly quick, but I am always equipped with encouraging, enlightening or uplifting words. This shifted for me a few months ago when my paternal grandmother passed away.
When I got the news and arrived home to Muskogee, Oklahoma, I simply sat across from my aching father, pondering. Stressing, even. Being the electronic evangelist that I am, I was yet stuck and not sure of what to say in the moment, longing for my phone and the words I knew I could construct with a little time and space, or probably already had constructed for someone else. You see, when confronted with actual emotional distress, I found myself rendered useless, at a loss for words. I’d completely frozen up, because there was nothing for this in my text bank, no canned response to reach for in the Notes app. Something that never happens behind the screen. Oh, the social anxiety of it all! The limits of my humanity were showing.
Even in writing this blog entry, seeing the words “are you ready to publish” gives me comfort in reminding me that I am working with technological advancements which help disguise my humanity. I am washed, cleansed and made perfect by the power of an edit. So, let’s address the iPhone in the room, shall we? I mean, can we talk?
“…it’s when we stumble or hesitate or lose our words that we reveal ourselves to each other.” Sherry Turkle
How is this? Because connections allow us to share mere fragments of ourselves, edited bits and pieces which showcase the best of what we think and would like to say. Conversations reveal our true selves -fragmented thoughts, unrehearsed responses, replies that aren’t copied nor pasted from one thread to another.
Communicating through technology has offered us, as a community, both advancement and disadvantage in this way. Why? Because “Texting breeds not just grammar and spelling illiteracy but, more importantly, emotional illiteracy as well.” This, according to an article released by NBC news.
“We sacrifice conversations for mere connections.” Sherry Turkle
This moment with my father presented me with what I thought was weakness. I wanted nothing more than to be available to him, but I’d only grown accustomed to doing so through “thoughtful” and “heartfelt” messages, well pondered over and well edited. It was a loss of words, though, that revealed to me the power of presence. From this, I learned that all that was necessary in this moment was to be there, physically, and whatever conversation -about anything in the world- we would have would provide my father with solace. All he needed to heal was me, not my well-rehearsed words in an attempt to connect. So, with that, no… I am not ready to publish, but I am ready to be present.
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